I can't answer that. I am just tired.
And today, i have done something i would never thought of doing. I guess, life had pushed me too far. Life had already reacted to my change. Seem like it's taking me down with it. And probably some people, too. No, i am not being paranoid at all. I have been in this state for a few years now. So have i learned to let go.
I have lost my last card of sanity. That last card is a savior of mine. Someone that i have been looking up to.
Now i am left with a tiny shard of what i used to have. Writing this down is very hard. I have thousand pauses in between, seems like my fingers are shaking, trembling as much as i don't even know what i have done. And at this moment i am not sure as to why i am feeling very broken. Why am i feeling the guilt? I really wanted to scream my life out. I should have never done it!!! I am so shrouded with negative emotions lately!!! Why am i so easily tempered?!
I AM SO SORRY! I COULDN'T HELP TO BE DISAPPOINTED AGAIN...! I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT I DID THAT TO HELP MYSELF. Because no one can. Not even you can help me in this state i am in. I may lead a happy life ahead of me, but that's probably from the external perspective.
I regret saying what i said. But i can never regret my actions.
I just hope you would understand this, and for the last time, i am sorry. Sorry for being so uptight towards you. I would never want this to end. I know my words aren't the kindest of words. I am just being truthfully sincere.
I have said too much. I will take my leave now.
I just wanted 1 last thing. Don't forget to say Goodbye to me if you decide to go. If you see me smiling, maybe it isn't so. It's me struggling to be strong. I forgot how to smile for something that's isn't there. You'd understand me. You're the only one who could.
Emotional State : Full of unbalanced emotions. LOST.
