Hello again,
This may be a short one. Seeing by my current state, i am not able to think straight and words seem to play me jokes as awful as it sounds to me.
I had a rough morning today. I kinda don't know why. Maybe i got cobwebs in my mind now. I just can't see things the way i used to. Something or somewhat has blocked my sanity view, these past few days.
Well, it's still is till i decide to write this down. My eyelids are extremely heavy, yet i can't shut it. Here's a thought....WHY?
So, i kept asking myself over and over again until i get scrabbles in my head. Nothing seems to spell right. All i can make out is the word WHY. Gee. Somebody, please yell at me.
So, given this word to think about, and yeah, i spent the whole day thinking of these whys. I started to have thoughts on scientific matters at the beginning, like why are leaves of certain plant colored green because chlorophyll? Why can't it be red, instead? Well, it's not a surprise if i can't answer that question. Go smirk...! So, followed by the question, are some questions about life itself...
I thought about : Why the need for war? Why is there sexual abuse? Why is this? Why is that? Why am i being treated this way? Why can't i have my share of smile? Why is me being so helpless?
Gee, and i thought why suddenly i get these uncertain feeling again such, since the night before (see : earlier post - Thursday, August 27, 2009 - Yet to understand...)
You see, when i tried to understand something, i always put my self into what i am thinking about. Yeah, talk about super-imagination. That has been in me since i was younger. Got worse when i turn 16. It has made me introvert, at some point. Again, this bothers me a lot!
Well, having difficult moments always leaves me with whys. I just don't want to think about it anymore. It always made me end up feeling either really bad, or really anxious or mostly it made me a brute that does not care for anything around me. I got bad reputation because of that. People started to notice me not being myself these past few days. I yell a lot, i get tempered easily, and most probably, i don't talk as much. Why? I don't know? Why i don't know? I don't know why. That is why i hate subjective matters. There's always a why behind all of it. Is it just me? Why, i don't know. I can surely tell that there are some other people sharing the same problem like me. Well, if i do find one, we can talk round the clock.
So, here i go again with the whys. Relationship-wise. Why am i being so caring to those people that seems to hurt me indirectly? I still don't have the smallest of clues, yet. I am not a very caring person, i might say, but when i do get to care and cared for, i can really be the most passionate. I mean, isn't all of us like that? So, to what extend? Why, people can be handsomely generous and lovable when reaching this state.
Why did i treat people nicely? Is it because i wanted to share their joy? Is it because i wanted to care? Is it because i am seen that way? I mean, nice? I am to those who accepted me as i am.
Why is people telling me what they thought i wanted to hear? I need reality, not sympathy. How pathetic can i be? Why?
...and the biggest question for me is, why i still cared for those who hurt me? They know i am sensitive. They tried to understand me, maybe, but are they really trying? As i said before, i don't need sympathy. I am not a beggar. I control my life, God-willing.
Sigh... Sigh... Sigh...
I already puffed quite a number of cigarettes while i was typing this. I feel a bit drowsy already. Maybe i should continue this later. My head is playing scrabbles again.
Gee, God-willing, i need a helping hand here.
My emotional state : Have you seen Robocop gets dismantled...?
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Yet to understand...
Hey there,
It has been a week of Ramadhan. A blessed month. Should be,huh?
Yes, i have been busy with life again. Not much to share, only these feelings i have for the past weeks. I just couldn't understand one simple word. LOVE.
What is that? Well according to wikipedia, i quote for short :
"Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection[1] and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my boyfriend"). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states.
As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love[2] to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.[3] Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts."
So, okay. I get the general idea of the word. Yes, the definitions seem too familliar for us humans. Everybody will come up with the same answer ; which by my interpretation, it is a typical word. Mind me. I came across few number of friends whom did have problems in maintaining love. I often asked them about what happened, why things happened that way, and such. I guess there will be no answers to that, as i noticed, every loving couple had issues to deal with.
Me? Of course i have the same problem. My problem is that i get emotionally confused with gestures. Yes, people seem nice. People seem caring...and i suppose being in that state is considered love too, ain't it? But sometimes what we saw is not what we saw. Well, at least, what i saw.
So it means, love have values, but what is the method to of accurately calculate and differentiate between much types of unconditionally love? I guess probably, there isn't a way. We ourselves need to deter how things in love works and thus value it.
Hey, it's just me saying things out loud. I may be wrong, but my experience don't teach me lies. I tend to be very careful and yes, being that allows me to develop a keen sense of being not too trusty towards people. I consider it as my own personal defense system. I got breached, taken over and finally left corrupted. I sometimes hate it when that happens.
Yes, being me, a person that is so easy to feel attached to somebody else, seriously have effects on me. I get rather sensitive for all that matter. I guess i can call it as EMOTION BOOSTER. Well, mostly it gets to my bad side. So, when things get cranky, i get emotional. Talk about frequent mood swings, huh?
So, i guess for now, i will have no use for love except the love to myself and family, perhaps. Until the day comes, i'd be me.
I'll stop here for the moment. Need to catch some air.
My emotional state : Mixed up. Haywire.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Kemarahan yang bertukar menjadi tawa.
Okay lah...satu je nak diceritakan disini...Aku taktau lah nak kata benda ni kelakar di mata orang lain, tapi perkara yang membesarkan kemaluan (tahap malu, okay...?!) aku ni. Jadi perkara ini agak kelakar pada aku. Cuma nak kongsi je. Mana tahu, boleh dibuat pengajaran ke. Untung badan, boleh je jadikan ia sebagai satu subjek teras di sekolah-sekolah menengah kebangsaan di Malaysia ini. Maaflah jika bahasa yang aku pakai ni tidaklah seformal mana. Cukup sekadar di pinggiran je.
Disini aku ingin menceritakan secara mukadimah yang agak panjang sedikit. Saja nak tengok, kalau-kalau ada yang meleleh air liur kat depan komputer tu. Untuk mengelakkan sebarang spekulasi dan tohmahan-tohmahan selamba ungka dari teman-teman aku yang lain, aku telah menamakan individu-individu dalam post aku kali ni sebagai huruf sahaja. Maklum sahaja lah dengan sebab-sebab munasabah aku ini.
Pada hari kejadian, aku telah bertemu dengan seorang teman di PWTC, Kuala Lumpur. Dia datang dari Pantai Timur, atas urusan peribadi yang tidak perlu aku ceritakan disini, abang N. Aku pergi menemui abang N, yang pada masa itu seorang kawan aku yang lain kebetulan mahu ke Shah Alam atas tujuan peribadinya, Si A...
A telah menghantar aku ke lokasi sepatutnya aku dan abang N bertemu itu. Setelah mengucapkan terima kasih dan segala benda lain yang sepatutnya aku berkasih dengan A, kami pun menuju ke arah tujuan masing-masing.
Aku pergi menemui teman dari jauh tersebut, manakala A terus ke Shah Alam.
Aku ketemui abang N pada sekitar jam sekitar 6.15 petang Ahad tersebut. Kami berborak mengenai pelbagai benda ; dari perkara yang paling tidak serius kepada perkara paling serius, yang diselangi dengan gelak tawa yang hampir mengilai dari aku kerana teman aku, abang N adalah seorang yang sangat melucukan...Ada sahaja ayat-ayat aku dipatahkan olehnya. Mesti ada sahaja yang silap, walaupun ayat-ayat yang dikemutkan oleh mulut aku ini sudah betul tatacara penggunaannya. Memang menguji kecekalan hati betul, si Abang N itu. Hahaha...Tapi dia memang betul-betul baik.
Aku dan abang N telah bertukar menjadi kaum Nomad kerana telah berpindah randah dari satu tempat duduk ke lokasi lain. Mungkin kerana perangai aku yang cukup senang rimas dengan orang-orang dan keadaan bising disekeliling...Cuba bayangkan, masa kami duduk di satu kedai kopi itu, dikiri ku tiada racun, dikanan ku tiada madu. Kosong je, jadi boleh lah kami berborak sesuka hati dengan sesedap rasa tanpa segan silu dan tanpa tapisan mana-mana lembaga...Tetiba je ada datang satu kumpulan seramai 3 orang (remaja) yang berusia awal 20an duduk di meja sebelah kiri. 2 lelaki dan 1 perempuan. Yang 2 lelaki tu ok je lah, tak pulak nak tumpang dengar perbualan kami...Yang si perempuan itu, sangat menjengkelkan aku...Siap sahaja aku menghabiskan satu patah perkataan, dia tengok aku. Habis je aku mengilai, dia tengok aku. Sampai aku nak bakar rokok kat muncung aku tu pun, dia tengok...kalau setakat tengok tu, takpe lah...ini siap buat muka macam cuka tiruan yang dah tamat tarikh luput...tak ke rosak pemandangan yang dah sememangnya tak berapa nak cantik kat situ..hehehee...
Aduh...!Apa masalah minah ni..? Aku terfikir. Ada aku kutuk dia atau sahabat handai dia ke...? Nak kata aku ni muka perogol bersiri pun, bukan. Sebab aku rasa aku tak cukup ganas nak jadi orang yang bersiri-siri ni...Nak kata aku ni artis yang terlampau Diva pun tak...Underwear model? Sangat tidak diluluskan...Lagi lah tak masuk akal kalau dia ingat bulu mata aku melentik macam udang kena goreng....Abis u, tenung macam tu kenapa?
Aku rasa, dia baru lepas kena berak burung la...dah tu je yang aku boleh terfikir, sebab masa tu aku dah separuh kurang waras melayan abang N. Air mata aku dah berbaldi-baldi bertakung. Siap ada ikan emas berenang lagi dalam tu.
Terasa begitu menghampehkan betul bila berada dekat dengan orang yang suka jaga tepi kain orang lain ni... Sangat pengangsalawar! Ya! Sangat bertepatan.
Tapi tak kisahlah kan...aku bukan nak cerita panjang lebar pasal dia...buat penat je aku nak menaip ni.Ahahahaaa..
Jadi, dipendekkan cerita, pada hari yang menarik tu, abang N belanja aku dari saat aku pijak je jubin lantai PWTC, sampai lah ke saat dia nak balik semula ke Pantai Timur. I was very the segan... Hahahaha!!! Ye lah, ada ke patut dia, sebagai tetamu aku, dia pulak yang belanja aku...tapi tak kisah lah kan...Dia insisted. Siap berebut bill note lagi! Lain kali aku akan belanja dia sampai dia merayu kat aku supaya jangan order apa-apa lagi dah...hehehehe!!!
So, perpisahan sementara pada masa itu betul-betul buat aku rasa hampeh. Sebab aku dah sebulan tak dapat rasa gembira dan gelak tawa macam tu... Terima kasih abang N.... :)
Kami pun menghala ke arah tujuan masing-masing selepas itu, dan aku pula menunggu kawan aku si A itu untuk datang, pulang ke Kuala Lumpur dari Shah Alam di tempat yang sama dia turunkan aku petang tadi. Ada bersama A ialah dua lagi adik-adik kandungnya. A sampai tidak lama kemudian setelah aku dan abang N berpisah arah tuju.
Kebetulan pada waktu itu, A rasa dirinya tidak berapa sihat untuk memandu, jadi aku lah manusia yang boleh menggantikan tempat sebagai pemandu bertauliah itu. Wah~~~~~~ heheehee!!!
Jadi, baiklah. Aku pun memandu kereta A dengan penuh berbudi bahasa dan sangat berhemah sekali...Bermula dari PWTC aku memandu kereta itu dengan lancar walaupun kenderaan lain sangat banyak diatas jalan...Sambil itu aku pun berborak-borak dengan A dan adik-adiknya untuk menghilangkan mengantuk kerana aku sudah berada si luar rumah sehari suntuk. Keadaan aku pada masa itu adalah seperti Ultraman Tiga yang sedang kehabisan tenaga dan LED di dada aku telah pun berkelip-kelip warna kemerahan...Tandanya bateri nak kena cas la...
Jadi pandu punya pandu, kami telah pun memasuki jalan di Setapak, iaitu antara jalan yang sangat sibuk di Ibu kota ini.
Oh, biasanya aku akan memandu kereta Proton Saga BML aku. Saga ni mcm Proton-Proton lain gak...Semuanya reversed indicator. Maknanya, secara kebiasaannya, kereta-kereta lain, kalau hendak memberi isyarat arah, tombolnya (tombol kerw?) berada di belah kanan manakala tombol (tombol kerw?)pengelap cermin (wiper) berada di sebelah kiri...
Nak dijadikan cerita, semasa sedang meluncur dengan kelajuan yang sangat minima, ada satu kereta (tak ingat lah pulak kereta apa...) dari simpang sebelah kiri, tetiba sahaja keluar tanpa rasa segan silu dan penuh bermaruah! Apa lagi, aku kebetulan sedang agak hampir ke alam ketiduran tetiba sahaja menjadi sangat marah, lalu aku ingin 'menembak' mata si pemandu yang agaknya sedang mabuk bercinta dalam kereta dia tu dengan high beam kereta yang aku sedang pandu dengan penuh bangga itu.
Aku jerit : "Setan kau! punyalah P**im**, har** ja**h (dan saudara mara perkataan itu)!!! Jaga kau!!! Aku 'tembak' kau!!!"
Terkebil-kebil bebudak yang duduk di kerusi penumpang di belakang...aku pun satu hal jugak...sengal batu! Tak teringat pulak bebudak tu ada kat belakang...sian telinga mereka sebab terdengar aku mengucapkan perkataan yang berunsur umpat, keji dan fitnah. Hish...!
Jadi, tanpa membuang masa yang umpama emas yang tak pernah membuat aku sangat kaya itu, aku pun menjerit 'Ambik kau!!!' tanpa rasa berasa malu, dimana sebenarnya aku yang ditembak!!!
Aku sendiri pun terkejut sampai hampir hilang kawalan kewarasan diri apabila aku sendiri yang 'menembak' muka aku dengan air! Lah, rupa-rupanya aku tertarik tombol yang salah...aduh malunya diri ini...aduhai...siap wiper tolong lap lagi cermin kereta yang aku sedang pandu itu...
Bebudak kat belakang tu, dari perasaan ingin mencampakkan aku keluar melalui tingkap itu tadi, terus gelak segila 'Ba Alif Ba Ya'. A pun tumpang sekaki. Adeh...apalah nasib aku...!
Terus je aku jerit 'Shut up!" kat bebudak tu. Padahal bukan marah sangat pun. Aku sendiri rasa nak baling diri aku keluar dari tingkap kereta A tu. Ahahhaaaa!!! Besar kemaluanku...
Itulah yang terjadi pada aku pada malam Ahad tersebut...adeh...walaubagaimanapun, aku bersyukur dapat meluangkan masa dengan abang N dan A pada hari tersebut. Kalau tidak, memang aku dah meroyan kat rumah aku tu...hehehehee....
Sekian untuk kali ini...renung-renungkan dan jangan terlebih beramah...hehehehee!
Moral : Check dulu signal indicator tu kat sebelah mana...
Disini aku ingin menceritakan secara mukadimah yang agak panjang sedikit. Saja nak tengok, kalau-kalau ada yang meleleh air liur kat depan komputer tu. Untuk mengelakkan sebarang spekulasi dan tohmahan-tohmahan selamba ungka dari teman-teman aku yang lain, aku telah menamakan individu-individu dalam post aku kali ni sebagai huruf sahaja. Maklum sahaja lah dengan sebab-sebab munasabah aku ini.
Pada hari kejadian, aku telah bertemu dengan seorang teman di PWTC, Kuala Lumpur. Dia datang dari Pantai Timur, atas urusan peribadi yang tidak perlu aku ceritakan disini, abang N. Aku pergi menemui abang N, yang pada masa itu seorang kawan aku yang lain kebetulan mahu ke Shah Alam atas tujuan peribadinya, Si A...
A telah menghantar aku ke lokasi sepatutnya aku dan abang N bertemu itu. Setelah mengucapkan terima kasih dan segala benda lain yang sepatutnya aku berkasih dengan A, kami pun menuju ke arah tujuan masing-masing.
Aku pergi menemui teman dari jauh tersebut, manakala A terus ke Shah Alam.
Aku ketemui abang N pada sekitar jam sekitar 6.15 petang Ahad tersebut. Kami berborak mengenai pelbagai benda ; dari perkara yang paling tidak serius kepada perkara paling serius, yang diselangi dengan gelak tawa yang hampir mengilai dari aku kerana teman aku, abang N adalah seorang yang sangat melucukan...Ada sahaja ayat-ayat aku dipatahkan olehnya. Mesti ada sahaja yang silap, walaupun ayat-ayat yang dikemutkan oleh mulut aku ini sudah betul tatacara penggunaannya. Memang menguji kecekalan hati betul, si Abang N itu. Hahaha...Tapi dia memang betul-betul baik.
Aku dan abang N telah bertukar menjadi kaum Nomad kerana telah berpindah randah dari satu tempat duduk ke lokasi lain. Mungkin kerana perangai aku yang cukup senang rimas dengan orang-orang dan keadaan bising disekeliling...Cuba bayangkan, masa kami duduk di satu kedai kopi itu, dikiri ku tiada racun, dikanan ku tiada madu. Kosong je, jadi boleh lah kami berborak sesuka hati dengan sesedap rasa tanpa segan silu dan tanpa tapisan mana-mana lembaga...Tetiba je ada datang satu kumpulan seramai 3 orang (remaja) yang berusia awal 20an duduk di meja sebelah kiri. 2 lelaki dan 1 perempuan. Yang 2 lelaki tu ok je lah, tak pulak nak tumpang dengar perbualan kami...Yang si perempuan itu, sangat menjengkelkan aku...Siap sahaja aku menghabiskan satu patah perkataan, dia tengok aku. Habis je aku mengilai, dia tengok aku. Sampai aku nak bakar rokok kat muncung aku tu pun, dia tengok...kalau setakat tengok tu, takpe lah...ini siap buat muka macam cuka tiruan yang dah tamat tarikh luput...tak ke rosak pemandangan yang dah sememangnya tak berapa nak cantik kat situ..hehehee...
Aduh...!Apa masalah minah ni..? Aku terfikir. Ada aku kutuk dia atau sahabat handai dia ke...? Nak kata aku ni muka perogol bersiri pun, bukan. Sebab aku rasa aku tak cukup ganas nak jadi orang yang bersiri-siri ni...Nak kata aku ni artis yang terlampau Diva pun tak...Underwear model? Sangat tidak diluluskan...Lagi lah tak masuk akal kalau dia ingat bulu mata aku melentik macam udang kena goreng....Abis u, tenung macam tu kenapa?
Aku rasa, dia baru lepas kena berak burung la...dah tu je yang aku boleh terfikir, sebab masa tu aku dah separuh kurang waras melayan abang N. Air mata aku dah berbaldi-baldi bertakung. Siap ada ikan emas berenang lagi dalam tu.
Terasa begitu menghampehkan betul bila berada dekat dengan orang yang suka jaga tepi kain orang lain ni... Sangat pengangsalawar! Ya! Sangat bertepatan.
Tapi tak kisahlah kan...aku bukan nak cerita panjang lebar pasal dia...buat penat je aku nak menaip ni.Ahahahaaa..
Jadi, dipendekkan cerita, pada hari yang menarik tu, abang N belanja aku dari saat aku pijak je jubin lantai PWTC, sampai lah ke saat dia nak balik semula ke Pantai Timur. I was very the segan... Hahahaha!!! Ye lah, ada ke patut dia, sebagai tetamu aku, dia pulak yang belanja aku...tapi tak kisah lah kan...Dia insisted. Siap berebut bill note lagi! Lain kali aku akan belanja dia sampai dia merayu kat aku supaya jangan order apa-apa lagi dah...hehehehe!!!
So, perpisahan sementara pada masa itu betul-betul buat aku rasa hampeh. Sebab aku dah sebulan tak dapat rasa gembira dan gelak tawa macam tu... Terima kasih abang N.... :)
Kami pun menghala ke arah tujuan masing-masing selepas itu, dan aku pula menunggu kawan aku si A itu untuk datang, pulang ke Kuala Lumpur dari Shah Alam di tempat yang sama dia turunkan aku petang tadi. Ada bersama A ialah dua lagi adik-adik kandungnya. A sampai tidak lama kemudian setelah aku dan abang N berpisah arah tuju.
Kebetulan pada waktu itu, A rasa dirinya tidak berapa sihat untuk memandu, jadi aku lah manusia yang boleh menggantikan tempat sebagai pemandu bertauliah itu. Wah~~~~~~ heheehee!!!
Jadi, baiklah. Aku pun memandu kereta A dengan penuh berbudi bahasa dan sangat berhemah sekali...Bermula dari PWTC aku memandu kereta itu dengan lancar walaupun kenderaan lain sangat banyak diatas jalan...Sambil itu aku pun berborak-borak dengan A dan adik-adiknya untuk menghilangkan mengantuk kerana aku sudah berada si luar rumah sehari suntuk. Keadaan aku pada masa itu adalah seperti Ultraman Tiga yang sedang kehabisan tenaga dan LED di dada aku telah pun berkelip-kelip warna kemerahan...Tandanya bateri nak kena cas la...
Jadi pandu punya pandu, kami telah pun memasuki jalan di Setapak, iaitu antara jalan yang sangat sibuk di Ibu kota ini.
Oh, biasanya aku akan memandu kereta Proton Saga BML aku. Saga ni mcm Proton-Proton lain gak...Semuanya reversed indicator. Maknanya, secara kebiasaannya, kereta-kereta lain, kalau hendak memberi isyarat arah, tombolnya (tombol kerw?) berada di belah kanan manakala tombol (tombol kerw?)pengelap cermin (wiper) berada di sebelah kiri...
Nak dijadikan cerita, semasa sedang meluncur dengan kelajuan yang sangat minima, ada satu kereta (tak ingat lah pulak kereta apa...) dari simpang sebelah kiri, tetiba sahaja keluar tanpa rasa segan silu dan penuh bermaruah! Apa lagi, aku kebetulan sedang agak hampir ke alam ketiduran tetiba sahaja menjadi sangat marah, lalu aku ingin 'menembak' mata si pemandu yang agaknya sedang mabuk bercinta dalam kereta dia tu dengan high beam kereta yang aku sedang pandu dengan penuh bangga itu.
Aku jerit : "Setan kau! punyalah P**im**, har** ja**h (dan saudara mara perkataan itu)!!! Jaga kau!!! Aku 'tembak' kau!!!"
Terkebil-kebil bebudak yang duduk di kerusi penumpang di belakang...aku pun satu hal jugak...sengal batu! Tak teringat pulak bebudak tu ada kat belakang...sian telinga mereka sebab terdengar aku mengucapkan perkataan yang berunsur umpat, keji dan fitnah. Hish...!
Jadi, tanpa membuang masa yang umpama emas yang tak pernah membuat aku sangat kaya itu, aku pun menjerit 'Ambik kau!!!' tanpa rasa berasa malu, dimana sebenarnya aku yang ditembak!!!
Aku sendiri pun terkejut sampai hampir hilang kawalan kewarasan diri apabila aku sendiri yang 'menembak' muka aku dengan air! Lah, rupa-rupanya aku tertarik tombol yang salah...aduh malunya diri ini...aduhai...siap wiper tolong lap lagi cermin kereta yang aku sedang pandu itu...
Bebudak kat belakang tu, dari perasaan ingin mencampakkan aku keluar melalui tingkap itu tadi, terus gelak segila 'Ba Alif Ba Ya'. A pun tumpang sekaki. Adeh...apalah nasib aku...!
Terus je aku jerit 'Shut up!" kat bebudak tu. Padahal bukan marah sangat pun. Aku sendiri rasa nak baling diri aku keluar dari tingkap kereta A tu. Ahahhaaaa!!! Besar kemaluanku...
Itulah yang terjadi pada aku pada malam Ahad tersebut...adeh...walaubagaimanapun, aku bersyukur dapat meluangkan masa dengan abang N dan A pada hari tersebut. Kalau tidak, memang aku dah meroyan kat rumah aku tu...hehehehee....
Sekian untuk kali ini...renung-renungkan dan jangan terlebih beramah...hehehehee!
Moral : Check dulu signal indicator tu kat sebelah mana...
Saturday, August 8, 2009
The NightFire : Beginning
Hey there...Hehehehe...From time to time, i get awfully bored with no idea what to do at the moment...so i used the time to experiment on something ; on my picture collections (and some from friends') Hehehee...So i have created a few superhero. Just for fun. Maybe one day, i'll produce the comic? Who knows, eh? Hehehehe...Well, scroll down, yes? ;)
Teaser
Synopsis = A group of young adults have been given the gift - extraordinary powers. Each of them has unique and distinctive ability that makes them feared by common criminals and evil plotters alike.
Lead by the emotionally fused NightFire, together with his trusty sidekick - The Diffuser, these few young lads dedicated their lives protecting the weak, unaware of the dangers they put their lives into.
A Malaysian own supergroup.
Profile - "The NightFire"
Name : Dr. Syam aka NightFire
Ability : Telekinetic, Seer and Pyromancer (Able to create heat - generating sparks - converting them into flames)
Height : 173cm
Weight : 90kg
Berserk Mode : PYROMANIAC
Daily life : Dr. Syam aka NightFire is a self-employed Bio-tech engineer. He often creates gadgets and supplements chips for the needy. A tempered person but always put people before himself.
Profile - "The Diffuser"
Name : Jafri aka Diffuser
Ability : Extra-agility, Unlimited supply of power, and lightning-knuckle (Able to create volts - generating sparks - converting them into electric shocks)
Height : 180cm
Weight : 56kg
Berserk Mode : ELECTROSHOTS
Daily life : Jafri owns a martial arts school, teaching rather unique style that is only for those with abilities like him. His technique requires high-speed movements that if a normal person used it, it could lead to dysfunction of the internal organs. The style is highly fatal.
Profile - "The WildNight"
Name : Liza aka WildNight
Ability : Extra-agility and Sixth sense (Able to accurately predict near sudden changes in the surrounding, making her the seeker in the group)
Height : 167cm
Weight : 50kg
Berserk Mode : SPIRAL-DANCE
Daily life : Liza was just a normal person until she was 20 years old - works in a flower shop she owned with her best friend. She developed her unique skills, which was passed down by her grandmother, whom she never knew. Liza also never knew that her skills originated from the same root as The Diffuser until she enrolled in Jafri's Martial Arts School, but she never used the forbidden style as it can be deadly to her, until she unblocks certain points in her body, giving her the same unique ability such as The Diffuser.
Profile - "The Mega-Thorn"
Name : Bobby aka Mega-Thorn
Ability : Thorns and Shockwave (Using high frequency waves to disrupt or manipulate anything that is electronic)
Height : 170cm
Weight : 87kg
Berserk Mode : THORN-WAVE
Daily life : Bobby is ever-happy guy that is employed as a Chief-adviser for a multi-million Ringgit IT company. He has always been keen with technology and is a great hacker. A very outspoken guy.
Profile - "Source"
Name : Johan aka Source
Ability : Share the same ability as NightFire but his telekinetic ability is weaker than NightFire's - Telekinetic, Seer and Blue-Pyromancer (Able to create heat - generating sparks - converting them into flames)
Height : 180cm
Weight : 69kg
Berserk Mode : FIERY-DISRUPT
Daily life : (Unknown)
Profile - "Fiesta"
Name : Ina aka Fiesta
Ability : A young and very energetic woman. Have Carbon Copy ability. She can duplicate as many copies as she wants but the more copies she produced, the more energy she will use.
She got the "Health-supplement" chip from Dr. Hisyam, whom she never knew that he is actually Nightfire.
Height : 163cm
Weight : 60kg
Berserk Mode : FIESTA-BLOOM
Daily life : Works as a designer in Kuala Lumpur.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
A broken heart...
Dear viewers/readers,
Again, life has caught me in its cruel yet wonderful ways of teaching...I am so gasping for air at the moment. Relationships sure are hard to handle. I guess i am not ready yet, as i constantly thought i have. Well, life goes on for me, even though i might tremble at any given moment, but it's okay. I often tell myself, that i have yet to find what's stored for me. At least not all. :)
Yes, break ups seems cliche for me at the moment. All i have to do is to smile, though my smile seems bitter and for what matters the most, i have people to look up to - people that never get tired of offering me their shoulder. Yeah, the fact that i looked sturdy, but like someone i once knew said to me, that me being a grown up man but it doesn't mean i won't break.
Yeah. I did break. So, i proved him right. Period.
So, my relationship's over, i guess. I admit, the relationship is something i treasured, but i will put it aside, for the sake of maintaining my sane. Gee, help me with this.
Maybe it's my fault for being too careful in terms of me being me. There's only some people who would understand me as i am, but i will not mention them here. I mean, people always see me as a fun and happy-go-lucky person, which is only a sum of 20% of me. So when they saw me in another state of emotions, they tend to despise and somehow think that i have gone berserk. It's not that...! Gosh! Please use your brain. Eyes can be very deceiving! Yeah, as deceitful as iblis.
Being me, the introverted guy, i always analyze what i see. I won't say something i am not sure about, because i dislike uncertainties. You won't get straight answers from me, at most times. I would want people to think as much as i do. Just that.
...and now that i am alone again, i guess i will have to calm the storm, and i am not sure how - but i'll manage. Thanks to certain people for helping me through my bitter journey. You know how much i appreciate you. A friend like them is something i could not replace. Well, here is my rank of relationship.
1st : Family
2nd: Certain Friends
3rd : Special Person
Yes, i have always put it that way. Can't stand it? Then, it's not my problem.
Anyway, as i am feeling a bit heartbroken now, i dedicated this song to the person. It's what i felt now.
My emotional state : .........................................
Again, life has caught me in its cruel yet wonderful ways of teaching...I am so gasping for air at the moment. Relationships sure are hard to handle. I guess i am not ready yet, as i constantly thought i have. Well, life goes on for me, even though i might tremble at any given moment, but it's okay. I often tell myself, that i have yet to find what's stored for me. At least not all. :)
Yes, break ups seems cliche for me at the moment. All i have to do is to smile, though my smile seems bitter and for what matters the most, i have people to look up to - people that never get tired of offering me their shoulder. Yeah, the fact that i looked sturdy, but like someone i once knew said to me, that me being a grown up man but it doesn't mean i won't break.
Yeah. I did break. So, i proved him right. Period.
So, my relationship's over, i guess. I admit, the relationship is something i treasured, but i will put it aside, for the sake of maintaining my sane. Gee, help me with this.
Maybe it's my fault for being too careful in terms of me being me. There's only some people who would understand me as i am, but i will not mention them here. I mean, people always see me as a fun and happy-go-lucky person, which is only a sum of 20% of me. So when they saw me in another state of emotions, they tend to despise and somehow think that i have gone berserk. It's not that...! Gosh! Please use your brain. Eyes can be very deceiving! Yeah, as deceitful as iblis.
Being me, the introverted guy, i always analyze what i see. I won't say something i am not sure about, because i dislike uncertainties. You won't get straight answers from me, at most times. I would want people to think as much as i do. Just that.
...and now that i am alone again, i guess i will have to calm the storm, and i am not sure how - but i'll manage. Thanks to certain people for helping me through my bitter journey. You know how much i appreciate you. A friend like them is something i could not replace. Well, here is my rank of relationship.
1st : Family
2nd: Certain Friends
3rd : Special Person
Yes, i have always put it that way. Can't stand it? Then, it's not my problem.
Anyway, as i am feeling a bit heartbroken now, i dedicated this song to the person. It's what i felt now.
Ungu – Cinta Dalam Hati
Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
Mengagumi tanpa di cintai
Tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
dengan hidupmu, dengan hidupmu
Telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
Menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
Tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku
Ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
Meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktuku
dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
dan izinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejap saja
My emotional state : .........................................
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