Cerita Mengenai Tupai.

Ada beberapa jenis tupai di bumi ni. Ada tupai yang baik, ada juga tupai yang sederhana dan sudah semestinya ada tupai yang jahat. Walau bagaimanapun, ada satu lagi jenis tupai yang jarang disebut oleh kita. Tupai yang jarang disebut ini bukanlah kecil dari segi bilangannya, malah jumlahnya tersangatlah besar sehingga kita langsung tidak menyebut tentangnya. Tupai jenis ini adalah dari spesis "Tupai Yang Tersangatlah Hebatnya Melompat Akhirnya Jatuh Ke Muka Bumi". Pendek kata kita boleh memanggil tupai jenis ini sebagai "Tupai Hebat".

"Tupai Hebat" ini telah jauh meninggalkan tupai-tupai lain dari segi perwatakannya. Pendek kata, "Tupai Hebat" ini boleh dikatakan merangkumi kesemua tupai-tupai yang lain. Hendak dikata baik, tak juga. Hendak dikata sederhana, tak juga. Hendak dikata jahat, tidak juga. Peribadi "Tupai Hebat" ini sangatlah tidak dapat dikenali jika dikaji dengan pemikiran yang sederhana, ataupun baik. Kenapa? Kerana "Tupai Hebat" sangatlah handal melompat. Tupai-tupai lain yang tidak dapat menjadi setanding "Tupai Hebat" terus tertinggal jauh dibelakang. Alangkah kasihan sekali tupai-tupai dari spesis lain itu.

Ramai tidak berani memperkatakan perihal "Tupai Hebat" ini kerana ramai yang telah menjadi mangsanya. "Tupai Hebat" ini jenis yang tidak peduli tentang tupai-tupai lain kerana baginya mungkin tupai-tupai lain yang tidak pandai melompat sehandalnya bukanlah satu perkara yang diminatinya. Entah kenapa tupai-tupai lain selalu menjadi mangsanya. Sangatlah kasihan. "Tupai Hebat" juga mampu berada dimana-mana yang ia suka. Kadang-kadang berada diatas pokok bersama Tupai Baik. Kadang-kadang dengan Tupai Sederhana. Sekejap pula dengan Tupai Jahat. Mungkin juga kadang-kadang ia berada bersama burung gagak. Itulah kegemilangan "Tupai Hebat". Lompatan ia sangatlah jauh. Tak terlihat dengan mata kasar. Lalu "Tupai Hebat" akan berasa bangga dengan pencapaiannya.

Walaupun "Tupai Hebat" ini sangat bangga dengan apa yang ia ada, tetapi "Tupai Hebat" ini bukanlah jenis yang agak berani apabila berdepan dengan masalahnya. "Tupai Hebat" sangat pandai memberi helah, walaupun tupai-tupai lain tahu bahawa helah-helah "Tupai Hebat" tersebut berunsurkan penipuan. Tupai-tupai lain terpaksa terima sahaja helah-helah tersebut dan secara tak langsung makan hati. "Tupai Hebat" selalu berkata bahawa ekornya pendek dan tidak sepanjang tupai-tupai lain, walhal secara terang, ekor "Tupai Hebat" sama panjang dan cantik dengan tupai-tupai lain. Mungkin dengan berkata sedemikianlah "Tupai Hebat" dapat meraih populariti dengan simpati yang diperoleh dari kalangan tupai-tupai yang agak lemah fikirannya. Kasihan. Selalunya mangsa "Tupai Hebat" iti adalah dikalangan Tupai Baik.

Tupai Baik selalu terpaksa makan hati dengan tindakan "Tupai Hebat". Entah kenapa Tupai Baik yang tidak pandai melompat itu sangat sayang dan sanjung kepada "Tupai Hebat" itu. Mungkin kerana "Tupai Hebat" itu cantik dimata Tupai Baik? Mungkin kerana Tupai Baik ingin membuktikan kepada "Tupai Hebat" yang dunia ini lebih baik jika sekalian tupai jujur dalam perbuatan mereka. Agak sukar bagi Tupai Baik melaksanakan niatnya. Tupai Baik kemudiannya membesar sebagai Tupai Sederhana. Pada masa ini, Tupai Sederhana sudah boleh mengagak arah lompatan "Tupai Hebat" ini, walaupun Tupai Sederhana masih ketinggalan. "Tupai Hebat" yang sudah selesa dangan raihnya itu semakin lama semakin kurang memberi perhatian kepada tindak tanduknya yang semakin jelas di mata tupai-tupai lain. Ianya menjadi semakin jelas apabila sedikit demi sedikit Tupai Sederhana secara tidak sedarnya berada dibelakang arah loncatan "Tupai Hebat" walaupun dahan pokok yang digunakan oleh Tupai Sederhana tidak sama dengan dahan yang dipijak oleh "Tupai Hebat". Sedarinya bahawa Tupai Sederhana hampir berdekatan dengannya, "Tupai Hebat" secara kebiasaannya mengugut Tupai Sederhana. Tupai Sederhana yang tergamam dan hampa itu, telah patah semangat. Tupai Sederhana berhenti melompat buat beberapa hari kerana telah hilang semangat. Lompatan Tupai Sederhana jauh lebih kecil berbanding lompatan ia yang penuh semangat sebelum ini. "Tupai Hebat" pula melompat hebat seperti biasa walaupun ia berasa bersalah juga dengan Tupai Sederhana tersebut. Akan tetapi, "Tupai Hebat" perlu berbuat begitu agar ia mendapat apa yang ia mahukan.

Tupai Sederhana juga bukan jenis yang berputus asa, namun apakan daya setelah beberapa kali diperlakukan begitu dan hatinya tidak lagi ingin menjejaki "Tupai Hebat" tersebut dan mencari arah tuju lain yang ia rasakan sesuai dengannya.

Tupai Sederhana yang masih lagi menyanjugi "Tupai Hebat" walaupun ia sendiri tidak tahu mengapa ia sedemikian. Perasaan kasih pada "Tupai Hebat" tidak pernah hilang selepas setiap kali "Tupai Hebat" melukakan hatinya dengan kata-kata yang tidak sepatutnya dipertuturkan

"Tupai Hebat" masih melompat. Pada masa ini "Tupai Hebat" sudah mula minat bergaul dengan Tupai Jahat. Spesis Tupai Jahat ini tidak mempunyai pendirian hidup. Ia tidak memikirkan soal maruah diri dan hanya mahukan keseronokan hidup. Tupai Jahat tidak peduli dengan perkara baik atau buruk sebaliknya ia jenis mementingkan diri sendiri. Walaupun begitu, spesis Tupai Jahat adalah lebih baik jika dibandingkan dengan "Tupai Hebat" kerana sejahat-jahat ia, ia akan mengaku tentang kesilapannya dan sangat jarang menuduh tupai-tupai lain. "Tupai Hebat" tidak sedemikian. Baginya semua perkara boleh diperubahkan mengikut citarasa ia.

Itulah kehebatan "Tupai Hebat".

Bersambung...

Weird dream, real meaning.

It was Sunday, January 17th 2011.

Had a weird dream last night. The were some giant butterflies in my room. The weird thing is, some of them turned into giant grasshoppers. They infested my room, puts me in a terrified state and i was basically crying for help. I was so scared and covered myself with a blanket. I tried to chase them away by shouting so loudly, but to no avail. Those giant grasshoppers noticed i was scared and started to pound on me, clawed me, and stomped on me. I was covered by my own blood. Lots of it. I knew at the moment that my time would be over soon. I was helpless. They grew more and more agitated and ferocious. I screamed for the final time. I passed out from exhaustion.

When i finally came to, i tried opening my eyes, upon hearing shrieks from many of the giant grasshoppers. There were someone else in my dark room. Alone. Fighting with those giant grasshoppers. It was a homeless man, seeing that he was dirty and naked. He was covered with grease, smells rotten and somehow mentally challenged. My friends were already dead, even they were equipped with some "would-cause-fatal" weapons. (I don't know where they got those weapons from, though) Those beautiful butterflies are all dead, as well. I got terrified again.

I startled, as i watched that homeless man fought bravely, ignoring the pain he received. I was only strong enough to weep. I never saw his face given the fact that it was very dark. I can only see silhouettes of figures in the room. That homeless man fought with his bare hands! I can see claw marks on his back. He was bleeding, too. I feared for him. He fought and fought and fought. I watched in silence until he finally torn apart the last of the giant grasshoppers. They were plenty of ooze and blood in the room.

Then he finally turn around and looked at me. I still can't see his face. I can only his weak smile. He came forward, puts me to sit and then puts his hand on my chest. He then, disappeared in a form of light. Only then i saw his face!




.................................................................




I WOKE UP WITH A FAST BUT HEAVY HEARTBEAT. SOMEHOW I WAS CRYING. THAT HOMELESS WAS ACTUALLY THE OTHER SIDE OF ME!!! THE FIGHTER IN ME!!!




I got up from bed and started to rationalize. What was that all about?

I can only speculate, but this is what i think best suits the dream's meaning.


1 = Butterflies : Friends, family and the society.


2 = Those giant grasshoppers are : My Problems in life.

They won't go away. They are hard to deal with, constantly revolves around me. These grasshoppers are also my previous sins ; always haunts me indirectly. Some of them are also the people around me. From beautiful butterflies, they turned ugly and started to show their true faces. Always blend in among the other people in my life, just waiting the right moment to hurt me.

Those grasshoppers are also my anger. It will hurt me somehow. True, i have already absorbed too much, and when it breaks, no one can help me except for myself.



3= Dark room : Which are exactly what my room is like. I have painted it 100% black up to the ceiling.

It means i wanted to be in my own world. Yes, it goes similar to my characteristics. It may be a small room, but the i created my own dimension. It feels big. The dark room is the world. It is so big yet so small. Go figure.


4= The dirty, smelly, and homeless man : I find this hard to write. That homeless man was me. At least, he was my sub-conscious self. He's dirty. He smell bad. He was naked.

It means i don't need to have some things in life that i may need, but somehow it tells me i can survive even though i may end up with nothing. This fact got me interested, that the fact that in the end, we all have nothing to keep. We will depart with nothing in possession.

The homeless man being dirty means my soul is tainted and i need to do something about it. It may be a slow progress, but i am trying hard. I got dirty because of my previous sins...

The homeless man smell bad? I can't see the meaning of it. Maybe i need to go to a spa or something? :)

The homeless man was naked : It clearly shows what i can do with what i know, rather than what i have. Perhaps this is what kept me going.





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So the true meaning of the dream?

I need to be in control of my own life! I won't let anyone bring me down! I know i have flaws but i will use these flaws to defend for myself! I can't trust too many people! I need to be stronger! I need to have faith in certain things! I need to stay truthful just the way i have always been!

I have to be myself in order to see the world as i may wished for, because in the end, the only person that can save me is MYSELF.

Lost of the Last Card of Sanity

Someone told me that year 2010 would not be so great for me. I tried not to listen. I have always been a fighter. I will do what it takes to see things the right way. It seems he was somehow right. I have been struggling. Hard. My emotions get so unstable sometimes. I can't figure out even the simplest things, i can't see things that are so obvious, being around a lot disappointments. Why?


I can't answer that. I am just tired.




And today, i have done something i would never thought of doing. I guess, life had pushed me too far. Life had already reacted to my change. Seem like it's taking me down with it. And probably some people, too. No, i am not being paranoid at all. I have been in this state for a few years now. So have i learned to let go.


I have lost my last card of sanity. That last card is a savior of mine. Someone that i have been looking up to.

Now i am left with a tiny shard of what i used to have. Writing this down is very hard. I have thousand pauses in between, seems like my fingers are shaking, trembling as much as i don't even know what i have done. And at this moment i am not sure as to why i am feeling very broken. Why am i feeling the guilt? I really wanted to scream my life out. I should have never done it!!! I am so shrouded with negative emotions lately!!! Why am i so easily tempered?!



I AM SO SORRY! I COULDN'T HELP TO BE DISAPPOINTED AGAIN...! I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT I DID THAT TO HELP MYSELF. Because no one can. Not even you can help me in this state i am in. I may lead a happy life ahead of me, but that's probably from the external perspective.






I regret saying what i said. But i can never regret my actions.



I just hope you would understand this, and for the last time, i am sorry. Sorry for being so uptight towards you. I would never want this to end. I know my words aren't the kindest of words. I am just being truthfully sincere.


I have said too much. I will take my leave now.





I just wanted 1 last thing. Don't forget to say Goodbye to me if you decide to go. If you see me smiling, maybe it isn't so. It's me struggling to be strong. I forgot how to smile for something that's isn't there. You'd understand me. You're the only one who could.







Emotional State : Full of unbalanced emotions. LOST.