Again, life has caught me in its cruel yet wonderful ways of teaching...I am so gasping for air at the moment. Relationships sure are hard to handle. I guess i am not ready yet, as i constantly thought i have. Well, life goes on for me, even though i might tremble at any given moment, but it's okay. I often tell myself, that i have yet to find what's stored for me. At least not all. :)
Yes, break ups seems cliche for me at the moment. All i have to do is to smile, though my smile seems bitter and for what matters the most, i have people to look up to - people that never get tired of offering me their shoulder. Yeah, the fact that i looked sturdy, but like someone i once knew said to me, that me being a grown up man but it doesn't mean i won't break.
Yeah. I did break. So, i proved him right. Period.
So, my relationship's over, i guess. I admit, the relationship is something i treasured, but i will put it aside, for the sake of maintaining my sane. Gee, help me with this.
Maybe it's my fault for being too careful in terms of me being me. There's only some people who would understand me as i am, but i will not mention them here. I mean, people always see me as a fun and happy-go-lucky person, which is only a sum of 20% of me. So when they saw me in another state of emotions, they tend to despise and somehow think that i have gone berserk. It's not that...! Gosh! Please use your brain. Eyes can be very deceiving! Yeah, as deceitful as iblis.
Being me, the introverted guy, i always analyze what i see. I won't say something i am not sure about, because i dislike uncertainties. You won't get straight answers from me, at most times. I would want people to think as much as i do. Just that.
...and now that i am alone again, i guess i will have to calm the storm, and i am not sure how - but i'll manage. Thanks to certain people for helping me through my bitter journey. You know how much i appreciate you. A friend like them is something i could not replace. Well, here is my rank of relationship.
1st : Family
2nd: Certain Friends
3rd : Special Person
Yes, i have always put it that way. Can't stand it? Then, it's not my problem.
Anyway, as i am feeling a bit heartbroken now, i dedicated this song to the person. It's what i felt now.
Ungu – Cinta Dalam Hati
Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
Mengagumi tanpa di cintai
Tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
dengan hidupmu, dengan hidupmu
Telah lama kupendam perasaan itu
Menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
Tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku
Ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
Meski ku tunggu hingga ujung waktuku
dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
dan izinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
tuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejap saja
My emotional state : .........................................
