Sebabnya apa?

Hai, apa khabar semua...?


Lama rasanya tak buat entry dalam bahasa melayu. Tak tahu lah kenapa, bila sahaja nak mula menulis, semuanya tak kena. Bukan aku tak hormat dan sayang terhadap bahasa ibunda, cuma selalunya bila menulis dalam bahasa melayu, aku jadi terlebih aktif menekan keyboard. Mungkin juga sebab banyak perkara yang terbuku di hati, maka bila terdetiknya niat menulis dalam bahasa melayu, banyak perkara yang aku terlepas tulis, sama ada secara sedar atau tidak.

Untuk pengetahuan, entry ni dah lama sangat duduk dalam draft. Sebab aku rasa belum sesuai untuk di pertontonkan, sebabnya terlalu banyak perkara yang perlu ditapis, kerana aku takut disalah erti kelak. Bukan apa, biar lambat, asal selamat. Eh, boleh ke macam tu? (Blog aku, suka hati aku, lah...!) ;)



Macam ni lah, sebenarnya bahasa Inggeris aku taklah selancar dulu, semasa di sekolah rendah dahulu, sebabnya aku tak berkawan sangat dengan kaum melayu. Bila difikirkan kembali, aku sendiri rasa hairan. Aku lebih cenderung bertemankan kaum cina dan india sebab aku rasa lebih senang berada dalam kelompok tersebut. Disekolah rendah, sebegitu. Dirumah, arwah ayah akan selalu berbahasa Inggeris, sampaikan aku selalu terbawa-bawa dalam pertuturan aku seharian dengan rakan-rakan bukan melayu. Tapi tak lah pulak aku terus menerus macam tu, sebab yang kelakarnya, kadang-kadang aku sendiri tak faham apa yang aku tuturkan. Rasanya aku ni lebih memerhatikan respon orang-orang disekeliling aku, maka respon-respon tersebut akan secara semulajadi melekat di kepala. Sebab tu kadang-kadang orang akan kata aku ni sarkastik, padahal aku tak rasa macam tu pun. Mungkin mereka tak biasa dengan cara aku lah, kot? Dalam tak faham tu, melekat jugak jadi kawan-kawan aku. Siapa yang tak faham siapa, sekarang? :)



Maka, tujuan aku menggunakan bahasa inggeris sebagai pengantaraan adalah kerana, aku semakin tak pandai bertutur dalam bahasa inggeris, secara lisan, amnya. Aku sendiri pun pelik bila memikirkan tentang perkara ni. Aku lebih cekap menulis dalam bahasa inggeris dari bertutur dalam bahasa itu. Entah, susah nak kata kenapa. 80% muzik, buku dan bahan rujukan aku adalah dalam bahasa inggeris. Suka aku lah...! :)




Sebenarnya, dalam aspek blogging ni, aku takut berbahasa melayu. Sebabnya kadang-kadang apa yang aku tulis tu sangat berbaur dengan perasaan aku. Bila menulis dalam keadaan beremosi, aku takut disalah ertikan. Punca aku ber-blog ni pun sebenarnya atas syor teman-teman rapat, yang prihatin dengan masalah aku. Sebenarnya bukan masalah apa pun, cuma aku ni cepat naik darah. Teman-teman rapat risau aku melepaskan amarah melalui cara-cara lain. Boleh dikatakan, aku cepat melenting, sampai kadang-kadang tu orang yang hampir tak bersalah pun aku boleh jadikan sasaran melepaskan perasaan. Maaf lah ye, kepada sesiapa yang pernah terkena angin kus-kus-semangat aku ni. Susah jugak bila ada 2 semangat dalam satu jasad ni. Jangan tanya apa maksudnya. Fikir sendiri. Ni bukan sesi soal jawab. Nak kena baling dengan parang? hehe...




Ni aku nak cerita sikit tabiat semula jadi aku masa muda-muda dulu. Tak la tua sangat pun aku ni, tapi pengalaman dah macam orang tua dah pun, sebab aku selalunya akan berkawan dengan orang-orang yang berumur lebih 30 tahun ke atas. Entah, dari dulu lagi aku lebih minat mendengar pengalaman orang2 yang lebih tua dari aku. Untuk belajar dari pengalaman mereka, agaknya. Sampai sekarang ni pun, mak aku pun agak pelik juga bila aku bawak kawan-kawan datang ke rumah yang rata-ratanya boleh dikatakan, mak aku boleh panggil mereka adik. hahaha. Dah mak aku muda lagi, haruslah... :) Dah la teman aku yang paling rapat tu berumur (** tahun) [Rahsia, mana boleh bagitau] :)


Pendek kata beza umur aku dengan dia adalah 10 tahun. Oh, rindu betul aku nak tengok dia menangis. Bukan apa, dia tu akan menangis setiap kali dia gelak terbahak-bahak. Memang istimewa betul teman aku tu. Yang membuatkan kami lebih serasi, kami akan berbahasa Inggeris pada kebanyakkan masa sebab kami memang mahu meningkatkan keupayaan bertutur dalam bahasa inggeris. Hahaha. Kadang-kadang bila tersilap tersasul tu, kami pun gelak mengilai la. :)

Pendek kata, walaupun aku cintakan negara, aku juga lebih cintakan diri aku sendiri. Kalau tiada satu, maka tidak akan ada dua. Maknanya, kalau setiap individu disekeliling kita sentiasa mahu memajukan diri sendiri demi diri dan negara, maka tiada salahnya mempraktikkan perkara-perkara yang boleh meningkatkan kemampuan sendiri. Pulak tu, zaman sekarang, yang besar akan makan yang kecil. Jadi, faham-faham sendiri lah. :)




Memberi jawapan: Walaupun jiwa aku memberontak, jiwa seni aku tetap takkan hilang, sebab seni itu BEBAS. Aku suka kebebasan. Aku tak pernah suka diarah...

A habit i picked up since 2008

I'm already so good at talking to the walls.



This is the situation. You have a large space, a spacious room maybe, and normally 4 erected sets of wall to make it up of. Try screaming in it. You could only hear yourself, the best of the last thing you get. The least of what you have to go by. Fun isn’t it? Not for me.



Yeah, kind of stupid on how it sounds, but some metaphors I used, often tells my current situation, possibly my emotions. Sometimes it sounded as sarcastic as I got motioned by it, but that are not entirely what I have in mind. Perhaps those are more to what my disappointment sounds like. Yes, a bit too narrative of me. You know, when you are in search in something, probably from somebody you know, sometimes those people already had the answers, but I wonder why they are so afraid of being honest to others, yet again toward themselves. Why are they really afraid of the simplest thing in the world? To be true is not so hard, quite frankly - well, if you are not a persistent liar, that is. Or are you? Ask yourself of the answer.


Just when i thought it was really something great, yes, or so i thought. Something greatly upsetting was not the one i had hoped for.



Potentially, I raised my hand in life’s classroom. Getting spoon-fed was not my intention of being in it. Sometimes I raised both of them, searching for what’s what and what’s not. It is agreeable, not much of my luck shines upon. I did always caught up with the same process over and over again - probably stumbled on the same drench of mud, fell off the same cliff and yeah, stubborn of me – that some had spoken.For me, these dangerous cliffs are often the safest of place to hang on to rather than just roaming free on the place where everyone seem to feel safe, in the open. Now, I won’t be saying on how much it does make some point to say that I like to be in the situation where, as dangerous as it seems, hardships was all that does the teaching.



Having said that, sometimes it does get too irritating, in terms of how it teaches us, don’t you think? By the means of how satisfactions comes after a dreaded battle between the truths and the not-so-true-by-nature elements in life. Ah, you can see the big picture by now. I don’t frame my words as beautifully as an expensive piece of furniture. That’s most probably the cheapest way to even describe something to say the least. Pointless – having to even start discussing on it.



So I hoped for the best of what I haven’t felt or seen or probably endeavor to. Linked from A to Z, I often cross paths with Y, and should I say this, Z was never seen for some of the things I need. It’s there, but to reach upon it – questionably very hard. Oh by the way, I skipped the alphabets from time to time, just to make ends meet, so to speak. This is the part when I’d really appreciate if you can go figure. When sometimes things are not meant to be spoken of, well this is it. I really don’t enjoy discussing such matters, coz even the closest people to me are unaware of those paths or shortcuts, people would call it by. It’s no secret to some, but let me just say, I don’t write those things on my forehead for the viewing pleasure, or is there any pleasure given out of it?



Constellation of my life was seen, yet it was difficult to even recognize the marking of dots leading to one another. Probably not a straight-forwarded path, I just strafe together with it. Canopied by the sense of stars shooting ever so beautifully without being aimed for? Still, it’s not even a millimeter close to making out a picture, yet.



Ah, the ramblings could last forever. Just my view on my own life, so I could not go bias over it, even some would say otherwise.



How's the sideburn? ;)

In loving memory - Al-Fatihah

In loving memory : Allahyarham Mohd Busairi B. Haji Mahfudz





Bush.


It's hard for me to even start this post. Just by typing his name - was enough to make me cry in silence.




I started to know him through Facebook, in my early days of using the Social Networking Site.


Arwah was one of the sincere people that i know in my life. He was never bias in his presence, always the cheerful one. He was pretty much alike myself, but he was just greater than me. I am already in tears when i decided to write this down, as i needed to. I must remind myself of him, as i would never want to forget. I just couldn't.

I can't write much, it tends to make me feel weak at some point. All i know we will all miss him dearly. His family and closest friends would feel a lot more than me. My condolences.








May you rest in peace, Bush. :'/


AL-FATIHAH...

بِسْمِ اللّهِ الرَّحْمـَنِ الرَّحِيم


In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful.

الْحَمْدُ للّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِين

Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds

الرَّحْمـنِ الرَّحِيم

The Beneficent, the Merciful.

مَـالِكِ يَوْمِ الدِّين

Owner of the Day of Judgment

1:5 إِيَّاك نَعْبُدُ وإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِين

Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

اهدِنَــــا الصِّرَاطَ المُستَقِيمَ

Show us the straight path,

صِرَاطَ الَّذِينَ أَنعَمتَ عَلَيهِمْ غَيرِ المَغضُوبِ عَلَيهِمْ وَلاَ الضَّالِّين
The path of those whom Thou hast favored; Not the (path) of those who earn Thine anger nor of those who go astray.




We will all miss you greatly.


In loving memory : Mohd Busairi B. Haji Mahfudz



A blog entry from my dear friend in brunei - Rizal

http://freelancing-prince.blogspot.com/